Support over the Holiday period
Please find below some resources to help support you and your children over the holiday period.
Triple P – Positive Parenting Program®
Rudeness and Disrespect
By Professor Matt Sanders
The teenage years are when kids want to create their own identity, so they often come into conflict with their parents.
But sometimes, parents think teenagers are being rude or disrespectful, when they are really just trying out their ideas and opinions about things they have seen on TV, heard from friends or read on the internet.
Remember, it is usually not the idea itself that is important to the teenager. It is more the chance to talk about the idea and to be respected as an adult for doing this. If it comes out a bit clumsy or aggressive, parents should try not to overreact.
Parents who directly challenge their teenager’s ideas with comments like “you wouldn’t do that” or make fun of them – “that’s a stupid idea”, may provoke them into trying something just to prove their parent wrong.
So, you need to take an interest and talk positively with your teenager. Discuss issues or events. Ask for their opinion. Encourage them to look at the different sides of an issue. Don’t view your teenager’s beliefs and ideas as a direct challenge to your authority.
Sometimes an idea may be presented as fact, with a clear challenge to you such as: “It’s wrong to kill animals for food.” The best way to respond is with an interested question, such as “Wrong in what way?” or “Do you think that’s true for everyone or just for our society?”
Teenagers usually respect parents who are prepared to openly discuss and explore their beliefs with them. Although they may rebel against their parent’s values, as they grow older they tend to adopt similar values and beliefs themselves.
Being inflexible and rigid about your ideas and beliefs invites teenagers to attack your views. However, if you have faith in your own beliefs and are prepared to explore them without being defensive or aggressive, teenagers will usually look for barriers elsewhere.
Professor Matt Sanders is founder of the Triple P – Positive Parenting Program®. For more information, go to www.triplep-parenting.net